Travel Writer's dialog

"help me, the beast is going to devour me. to think my experiences and tales of adventure will be lost...lost forever! if I am devoured by this dimwitted beast. oh the tragedy! doesn't anyone have any food? anything at all? i know nothing can compare to the undoubtedly decadent flavor of my own flesh, but i couldnt bear to die this way!! not now! not when i'm so close to finishing my life's work. I pray to you, watchers in the sky, sympathetic gods, jury of my fortune. let a storm of tender vittles rain upon this mutant, that he will consume other than my savory personage."

"Thank you thank you. praise be to the gods and the animal spirits. Are you an ambassador of the gods? i've never seen a creature like you before, and i'm quite the seasoned traveler. hmmm...a large tongue. thats useful. What an appendage. I'm sure you have an appetite to match. However, I hope you don't desire the same fare that that wretched lizard was after. I can tell you, I hunger for adventure and all the sights of the world that are worthy of my observations. Once I've seen everything there is to see, i'm going to finish my work: a rough guide to beat all rough guides! a complete handbook to this mysterious land! So tell me, what is the goal of your travels?"

(lick)
"Ah, It's companionship you're after? I pray you make a good impression on the gods that you may be fortunate in your hunt. This world is a vast valley surrounded by unclimbable mountains. In a land that seeks holiness, all is unholy. Be sure, the beauty you find will be in the crooked and the maimed. I myself am a travel writer and will be happy to accompany you in your wanderings, but I imagine the company you're after is beyond the range of familiarity I wish to offer. My travel and observations are my priority. Intimacy is a distraction which can only hinder my adventures. But let us sally forth that my thirst to explore can be quenched, and likewise the appetite you ferry will someday be sated."

"...its so funny. i could have sworn there was someone else with us back then. i keep catching glimpses of a strange creature that must live in these areas, but i never find anything. no footprints, no droppings! nothing!... maybe i was just imagining things. Or perhaps it is another observant god, guiding our destinies. it could be the legendary Sophia of the Forest of whom I've heard the tallest tales...but no...from what i've heard, her beauty is so striking and luminous, it can be felt before it is even seen."

(grunt)
"oh i must have piqued your interest! ah yes many lustful ones have fallen for her allure. You wouldn't be her first my friend, and you certainly wouldn't be her last! haha. i advise you to be careful though. I've heard her mating practices are a bit unorthodox and will leave you unable to perform again. Best not to throw all your stones into one well. Her sinful appetite would be a lethal match for yours. But lets not dwell on that apparition.....let me tell a story to help pass the time as we travel on." (tells a story?)

"I knew it! a badger! in all my life i've never met a badger that wasn't up to something mischievous. i can't believe that horrible disguise actually worked! Now if i don't do something he might never wake up. i've heard of boneheads who have stayed asleep for years dreaming they were in an ornamented palace. I won't let that happen here! not if i have a say in it! oh gods! hear me..... i beg you to raise a raucous like thunder to wake this libidinous fool and drive the contemptible Badger back into it's stinking lair. i call to you with my drum! hear the vibrations of my ....."